EUrotik

Über MCP. A faithful heir to anatomical encyclopaedias, let’s welcome Chikipedia, the atomic chick wiki! Found out by the daily Argentinean Clarin, the website, recently launched and still a beta version, aims at pleasing all types of internauts by allowing them to get an eyeful and to discover spicy information about “the sexiest women of the moment”

Based on the collaborative concept of Wikipedia, this new communautary dictionary of the modern hottie, already counts thousands of articles and photos of celeb bombshellsin its database. Generally well equipped as far as the lips are concerned, or victims of mammry hypertrophy. Each amateur can hence bring his conscience and enrich the “pedagogical and interactive” contents of the page.

On top of rather charming photos, the articles boast serious educational qualities : you may be told indifferently about the colour of Paris Hilton’s mane, Jenna Jameson prosthesis’s size or Angelina Jolie’s so-called vices (i.e. Adoption). The catalogue is also full of ironical-existential questions such as “by gad! how many men did Britney Spears have intercourse with?”

In an unsurprising way, the comments are triggered by sulky models, curvaceous actresses and muscled sportswomen:  paragraphs about them relentlessly lengthen. The anaemic  Elizabeth II or Hilary Clinton, who do have their short bios, don’t seem to arouse curiosity. What about a chicopedia, guys?!

(Photo credit: JoonYoung.Kim's/flickr)

After wide angled banter, here comes the time to sew up. Rocco Siffredi is starting a new career in haute-couture. The Italian stallion of X film is said to have decided to go off on his own. To own the small world of fashion. The clothes collection, between “street wear and rock’n’roll” was shown in Florence during the much respected professional clothing salon “Pitti Uomo” by the venerable  43-year-old actor, who boasts 1300 films and 3000 partners. Down with porn! Beware X-stitching!

Soberly labelled “R”, the very “jean and sporty” (according to the transalpine press) clothes target both sexes and Rocco claims this time that he is “using his image to express his lifestyle conception.” From knitting needles to sex toys?

(Credit : Sarahivegas'/flickr)

Zero libido. When faced with the porn flood or the dictatorship of the Big O., some have chosen to comfort themselves with scarcity under the comforter. Even if You Porn and other preachers of indecency want us to believe that things are different, lust can sometimes go on strike. Is it that people can’t rise to the occasion? Or simply that they won’t? According to a June 2004 Ipsos survey, 25% of the women who were polled, and 15% of the men claimed they lived in chastity. And whether the situation was chosen or not, a third of the polled didn’t seem to be complaining about it.

The phenomenon does exist, it is commented upon by the press, and analysed minutely by shrinks. The traumatized children of sex-crazed parents who had adopted a “come whatever the cost” philosophy, more and more thirty-somethings would not be philanderers.  Clearly, they don’t want to want.

This trend, which totally goes against our so-called “liberated” societies, is called the "Asexual Revolution" by the French journalist Jean-François de Tonnac. “No Sex Last Year”, a book released in 2006 on a somehow virgin French market, is also interested in the “normal” daily life of an almost vestal couple. The Italian supplement to La Repubblica, “D”, smelling big business, has recently given a full cover to these “no-sex” enthusiasts.

Indeed, light-years away from the urban maniac, Internet seems to be teeming with emissaries of purity.The jewel of the moral zealots of fornication, the virtual asexuality.org which presents itself like a “network for helping each other and for improving asexual visibility”, offers on its French version forums with instructive posts, such as “can you succeed in life when you are asexual?” and “to you who used to love sex…”

At the end of the day, this caste of “non-libidoists”, or so the Dutch nickname them, is nothing more than a bunch of loyal followers if the“A-Pride Attitude”, a movement advocated across the Atlantic by the tendron in his prime, David Jay. His motto: “Asexuality is not just for amoebae”, let’s proudly defend the identity of the anti-sleaze sly. After Penis Superstar has come the time of coital retreat. Down with the libertines and other lascivious creatures, and  let’s have the self-assured maidens, the willing virgins and the saints of erotism. With just a touch of sat(i)yre.

Porno chic can now be reached in just one click: far from the panting peroxide beehives and other duvet boors, more and more classy but straightforward websites promise to satisfy the desires of the ladies. Sensual literature, pieces of advice in the flesh and sales of sex toys for real are now offered to the horny internet user in a skirt.

Among the pioneers of intellectual X, in a boudoir philosophy style, let’s cast a glance at the French “Second Sexe” – a name which takes its inspiration somewhere between Simone de Beauvoir’s essay and Second life, simply devoted to “feminine sexuality through art and culture”. The Beaver might be turning in her grave and yet, even Le Monde swoons at this sight: “Second Sexe or sweet words to talk about it” announces the daily paper to mention the “multifaceted” content of the snobbish schlong page, launched last october by the busy businesswoman Sophie Bramly (whose name sounds quite predestined, at least to the French ear).

On this stylishly-designed website, you will find an audio reading of Apollinaire’s Eleven Thousand Rods by the poetic Joey Starr, articles on webcam girls or men to rent and the must-read pragmatic recommendations of Doctor O. In the e-shop, you’ll find sextos, Swarowski -inlaid riding crops for unruly lovers and gold vibrators.

 On the glamourous side, Asia Argento or Bettina Reims should be shooting suggestive films soon, while the idea of the editing society is to enlarge this « erotic video library” to more…personal productions. Provided you belong to the brainy sex club.

Codename: guinea pig. Porcine eyes and dyed hair, the creature is either called Jessica or Sabrina. Complemented by an unclothed allure, sparkling lips, a lost piece of chewing gum at the back of its vocal cords, a negative IQ and coloured nails, it is delicately described as 'easy' or nicknamed ‘whore’ or ‘slut’.

 Oh to think that it was necessary to get an education, to become independent and to learn to say 'no' to boys - only to find ourselves competing with these urban maids! So why must it be them who systematically haunt the nights of the male sex?

Paraded on bus shelters, the open or wondering pout perched upon breathtaking heels complete with a minimalist uniform, Miss Prostitute appears to have all the assets on her side: always ready, always available. Why try to be funny when grinning like a sea fish is going to win you hearts – and failing that, bodies? Why try to be intelligent when an oiled cleavage will save you time? It's those weeds that'll flourish in the spotlight, down at the pub, and even in old folks' homes (granny with ten inch make-up coating) anyway.

The ideal woman is therefore no longer the domestic girl in the kitchen but the porn star. So should we all just get a tan, forget literature and learn how to chuckle allowing our hair to go everywhere?

 Yes dear reader, yes to all three. Because in 2005, some very serious spectacled researchers from the Universities of Bristol, Aberdeen, Glasgow and Edinburgh who measured the IQ of a range of men and women aged 11 years, observed 14 years later whether these innocent children had succeeded in finding themselves a partner. The results were clear. For women, the chance of having a stable relationship 'reduces by 40% each time that they increase their IQ by 16 points'. But that is where the study becomes cynical when it says that a 'man enjoying the same intellectual powers has a 35% better chance of getting married'.

 It is therefore scientifically proven, men prefer idiots; or those that give that impression. There is nothing left to do but train ourselves…

Sex is politics. The spirited Tania Delvaux, representative of the Belgian political party NEE (‘No’ in Dutch) has found a good way to get people to talk about her. In her electoral campaign the candidate for the senate promises 40,000 blowjobs to Belgians who fancy it. On her website the matter becomes even clearer: one vote = one blowjob.

In one click the deal is closed and 400,000 internet perverts will have already cracked. Not a loudmouth, Little Miss Phony has ore and has already worked out that to honour her vow it would take her 500 days at the rate of 80 blowjobs a day: a figure that blows your mind. And it’s all the more disappointing when you find out that the little treat will remain a virtual one.

In fact, Delvaux’s hoax aims to 'sensitise beliefs' to the promises for the less eye-catching of the other Belgian parties in the approach of the parliamentary elections on the 10 June next year. When will the coalition 'toy boy' appear?