EUrotik

Date your messenger

LaFraise — Thu, 03 Apr 2008 17:02:00 +02:00

Toy-boys to cuddle. This is the very light offer of adopte-un-mec.com, the first “male supermarket” opened on the web by French daring businessmen. A lot of humour, a drop of love and loads of men to meet, carefully ordered by “product categories”: brainy or adventurous, blond or cooks. The catalogue also offers a “bonus pack” shelf, where you can pick with the greatest earnestness hairless or non-smoking bipeds.

The mega deal of the day? ‘Folklll’, a cutie with a fringe. Or else you can always look up DreamIntox from Toulouse, or Lloyd68, 22. Poor boys, reduced to the status of toy boys by nymphets dressed up as man-eaters. The consumers’ testimonies smell sweetly of cannibalism, with just a touch of capitalism. As wild as you may imagine. “I gobble up a basket a week, and I have even lost weight,” asserts Chloe in a very poetic way. Girl power, only good for scales? Give us our money back!

(Photo credit: lannon787's/flickr)

Encyclosexy

LaFraise — Tue, 19 Feb 2008 14:34:00 +01:00

Über MCP. A faithful heir to anatomical encyclopaedias, let’s welcome Chikipedia, the atomic chick wiki! Found out by the daily Argentinean Clarin, the website, recently launched and still a beta version, aims at pleasing all types of internauts by allowing them to get an eyeful and to discover spicy information about “the sexiest women of the moment”

Based on the collaborative concept of Wikipedia, this new communautary dictionary of the modern hottie, already counts thousands of articles and photos of celeb bombshellsin its database. Generally well equipped as far as the lips are concerned, or victims of mammry hypertrophy. Each amateur can hence bring his conscience and enrich the “pedagogical and interactive” contents of the page.

On top of rather charming photos, the articles boast serious educational qualities : you may be told indifferently about the colour of Paris Hilton’s mane, Jenna Jameson prosthesis’s size or Angelina Jolie’s so-called vices (i.e. Adoption). The catalogue is also full of ironical-existential questions such as “by gad! how many men did Britney Spears have intercourse with?”

In an unsurprising way, the comments are triggered by sulky models, curvaceous actresses and muscled sportswomen: paragraphs about them relentlessly lengthen. The anaemic Elizabeth II or Hilary Clinton, who do have their short bios, don’t seem to arouse curiosity. What about a chicopedia, guys?!

(Photo credit: JoonYoung.Kim's/flickr)

Willy Academy

LaFraise — Tue, 19 Feb 2008 12:00:00 +01:00

A course of intercourse. Last Spring in Madrid, four jolly fellows, owners of a well- known sex shop in the Spanish capital, « la Jugueteria » launched their willy academy. Erika Lust, Dunia Montenegro (black mountain), Pygma and Marcelo Tajtelbaum (something tree), Movida-style nicknamed characters without any complex have crowned themselves in charge of the new shag chair.

Since last May, l’Universidad del Sexo has been offering end of week classes in discreet alternative or municipal rooms. Among the classes, you can have a go at: bondage for beginners, how to shoot your own home-made porn, or foreplay classes.

The objectives for the « students », ranging from 18 to 65 (sic), are not very varied: some matronly Iberians admit wanting to “deepen the exploration of their sexuality” and others that they want to learn the tricks of a good strip tease. The teaching style, priced between 90 and 170 euros, is rather soft and mainly takes place behind a desk. Taking practical work for a dating class is a complete no-no. “The Sex University is not a place to meet new people or to behave like a voyeur” the CEOs of banter lectured already. Call that puritan sex ethics.

(Credit : Mitchseventy/flickr)

Rocco Wear

LaFraise — Tue, 19 Feb 2008 10:00:00 +01:00

After wide angled banter, here comes the time to sew up. Rocco Siffredi is starting a new career in haute-couture. The Italian stallion of X film is said to have decided to go off on his own. To own the small world of fashion. The clothes collection, between “street wear and rock’n’roll” was shown in Florence during the much respected professional clothing salon “Pitti Uomo” by the venerable 43-year-old actor, who boasts 1300 films and 3000 partners. Down with porn! Beware X-stitching!

Soberly labelled “R”, the very “jean and sporty” (according to the transalpine press) clothes target both sexes and Rocco claims this time that he is “using his image to express his lifestyle conception.” From knitting needles to sex toys?

(Credit : Sarahivegas'/flickr)

Rub(ber) a Dub

LaFraise — Fri, 14 Dec 2007 19:37:00 +01:00

After the spiked helmet and the kapos, welcome to the spray-on Kondom! Our charming neighbours from the other side of the Rhine are decidedly very creative, and always followed by this unshakable aura of “Deutsche Qualität”. The good doctor and member of the Institute for Condom Consultancy Jan Vinzenz Krauze, true to this reputation, intends to rock the anti- STD wear. And also to seriously shatter the latex industry.

Plastic may be fantastic, and yet, « SprayKondom », his « exclusiv » and patented invention should rain on the bedroom market soon. In spring 2008, the spray-on condom will enter the Teutonic bedrooms. Down with the good excuses not to wear it, between “elephantine trump” and other “phallic smothering”

In an interview he gave to a blog, Kreuze promises his prophylactic spray to « provide the perfect fit to the physiology of the penis” and give “wonderful sensations”. On the technical side, the rules are strict and not for schlong claustrophobics: “you only have to put the erect penis in a tubular device shaped as a can”, the adviser explains, “before pushing a button which will spray a fine latex coating evenly on the penis from top to bottom”

Available in « red, yellow, green or transparent », the apparatus will be available provided you pay between 20 and 30 euros for the “bomb” on the one hand, and the liquid latex “cartridge” on the other. Flashy or downright explosive, the rainbow sex will still have to wait for twenty good seconds, the time for the whole thing to dry, to be ready for action. The time to p(r)ay for safe sex?

(Crédit photo : ajeept/flickr)

Asexual Revelation

LaFraise — Tue, 04 Dec 2007 17:41:00 +01:00

Zero libido. When faced with the porn flood or the dictatorship of the Big O., some have chosen to comfort themselves with scarcity under the comforter. Even if You Porn and other preachers of indecency want us to believe that things are different, lust can sometimes go on strike. Is it that people can’t rise to the occasion? Or simply that they won’t? According to a June 2004 Ipsos survey, 25% of the women who were polled, and 15% of the men claimed they lived in chastity. And whether the situation was chosen or not, a third of the polled didn’t seem to be complaining about it.

The phenomenon does exist, it is commented upon by the press, and analysed minutely by shrinks. The traumatized children of sex-crazed parents who had adopted a “come whatever the cost” philosophy, more and more thirty-somethings would not be philanderers. Clearly, they don’t want to want.

This trend, which totally goes against our so-called “liberated” societies, is called the "Asexual Revolution" by the French journalist Jean-François de Tonnac. “No Sex Last Year”, a book released in 2006 on a somehow virgin French market, is also interested in the “normal” daily life of an almost vestal couple. The Italian supplement to La Repubblica, “D”, smelling big business, has recently given a full cover to these “no-sex” enthusiasts.

Indeed, light-years away from the urban maniac, Internet seems to be teeming with emissaries of purity.The jewel of the moral zealots of fornication, the virtual asexuality.org which presents itself like a “network for helping each other and for improving asexual visibility”, offers on its French version forums with instructive posts, such as “can you succeed in life when you are asexual?” and “to you who used to love sex…”

At the end of the day, this caste of “non-libidoists”, or so the Dutch nickname them, is nothing more than a bunch of loyal followers if the“A-Pride Attitude”, a movement advocated across the Atlantic by the tendron in his prime, David Jay. His motto: “Asexuality is not just for amoebae”, let’s proudly defend the identity of the anti-sleaze sly. After Penis Superstar has come the time of coital retreat. Down with the libertines and other lascivious creatures, and let’s have the self-assured maidens, the willing virgins and the saints of erotism. With just a touch of sat(i)yre.

Deep Blonde

LaFraise — Mon, 19 Nov 2007 18:11:00 +01:00

Men prefer blonde girls. Long blondes. See a little on the empty-headed side. If jokes on featherbrained Goldilocks™ will make any kind of MCP chortle, researchers in social psychology from Paris X – Nanterre University have come to avenge the honour of the platinum ladies.

In a recent study, quoted by the Sunday Times, the French scientists have discovered that if Miss Hilton and her girlfriends are far from being lame, they did however turn men into jerks.

Doing so, in itself, does not seem that difficult. Any yet, the blonde’s weapon to reduce the male brain are neither the leopard décolleté nor the tart tuft. But it rather appears to be the strength of stereotypes.

When they chat with a light-coloured haired girl, men would see their IQ shrink to the size of a pea, and they would be victims to the subconscious syndrome of the “bimbo blonde”.

Blinded or deceived by the cliché of the ditzy bleached blonde, men would have a tendency to “adapt” to the supposed level of their interlocutor by “lowering their reasoning threshold”, according to the conclusions of Thierry Meyer, who conducted the study. That should give enough ideas to brunettes, who’ve always had more fun.

(Photo credit : TJBNYC76/flickr)

Intell'X

LaFraise — Wed, 07 Nov 2007 18:31:00 +01:00

Porno chic can now be reached in just one click: far from the panting peroxide beehives and other duvet boors, more and more classy but straightforward websites promise to satisfy the desires of the ladies. Sensual literature, pieces of advice in the flesh and sales of sex toys for real are now offered to the horny internet user in a skirt.

Among the pioneers of intellectual X, in a boudoir philosophy style, let’s cast a glance at the French “Second Sexe” – a name which takes its inspiration somewhere between Simone de Beauvoir’s essay and Second life, simply devoted to “feminine sexuality through art and culture”. The Beaver might be turning in her grave and yet, even Le Monde swoons at this sight: “Second Sexe or sweet words to talk about it” announces the daily paper to mention the “multifaceted” content of the snobbish schlong page, launched last october by the busy businesswoman Sophie Bramly (whose name sounds quite predestined, at least to the French ear).

On this stylishly-designed website, you will find an audio reading of Apollinaire’s Eleven Thousand Rods by the poetic Joey Starr, articles on webcam girls or men to rent and the must-read pragmatic recommendations of Doctor O. In the e-shop, you’ll find sextos, Swarowski -inlaid riding crops for unruly lovers and gold vibrators.

On the glamourous side, Asia Argento or Bettina Reims should be shooting suggestive films soon, while the idea of the editing society is to enlarge this « erotic video library” to more…personal productions. Provided you belong to the brainy sex club.

Naughty EU Medias

Prune — Mon, 02 Jul 2007 11:34:00 +02:00

Is that all European civil servants think about? As the Italian daily newspaper Corriere della Sera signals, a summer breeze of hormonal madness is appearing to blow into the communication service of the 'Media' programme of the European Union.

Under normal circumstances, the project - officially included in the chapter of cultural community initiatives - is responsible for aiding a European cinema often judged to be dying: promoting full feature-length films, distributing the films, helping in the production or at seminars…

Albeit quite confidential, 'Media' nonetheless finances almost half of the projected productions in the more obscure rooms of the continent. And as sex is still more explicit than the statistics, the merry devils in charge of selling 'Media' 2007 to the public have not held back on the body on film. The result is an ersatz of erotic video by way of publicity campaigns.

Entitled ‘Film Lovers Will Love This’, one of the advertising clips of 'Media' 2007 plays it rather risqué: in the film’s forty seconds, mixing naughty extracts from Amélie or from Almodovar’s All About My Mother, ecstatic faces, naked bodies and other crumpled sheets following one after another, accompanied by quavers of violins and other small excerpts of wild panting. By way of a final slogan, an ambiguous ‘Let’s Come Together’, which leaves a shadow of doubt: should Europeans meet each other or climax together?!

The video has already aroused the wrath of certain Polish technocrats – of whom the Super-Catholic League of Polish Families (LPR) complain at the deprivation of morals and at the 'immoral methods' employed by the EU in order to promote its activities. Faced with this maelstrom (and the PR that revealed the diffusion of this advertising campaign was validated without the batting of an eyelid), the comment of Swedish commissioner Margot Wallström, blonde vice-president of the Commission, was exemplarily: 'it's a matter of taste' she soberly declared.

Guinea pigs syndrom

Prune — Tue, 26 Jun 2007 11:39:00 +02:00

Codename: guinea pig. Porcine eyes and dyed hair, the creature is either called Jessica or Sabrina. Complemented by an unclothed allure, sparkling lips, a lost piece of chewing gum at the back of its vocal cords, a negative IQ and coloured nails, it is delicately described as 'easy' or nicknamed ‘whore’ or ‘slut’.

Oh to think that it was necessary to get an education, to become independent and to learn to say 'no' to boys - only to find ourselves competing with these urban maids! So why must it be them who systematically haunt the nights of the male sex?

Paraded on bus shelters, the open or wondering pout perched upon breathtaking heels complete with a minimalist uniform, Miss Prostitute appears to have all the assets on her side: always ready, always available. Why try to be funny when grinning like a sea fish is going to win you hearts – and failing that, bodies? Why try to be intelligent when an oiled cleavage will save you time? It's those weeds that'll flourish in the spotlight, down at the pub, and even in old folks' homes (granny with ten inch make-up coating) anyway.

The ideal woman is therefore no longer the domestic girl in the kitchen but the porn star. So should we all just get a tan, forget literature and learn how to chuckle allowing our hair to go everywhere?

Yes dear reader, yes to all three. Because in 2005, some very serious spectacled researchers from the Universities of Bristol, Aberdeen, Glasgow and Edinburgh who measured the IQ of a range of men and women aged 11 years, observed 14 years later whether these innocent children had succeeded in finding themselves a partner. The results were clear. For women, the chance of having a stable relationship 'reduces by 40% each time that they increase their IQ by 16 points'. But that is where the study becomes cynical when it says that a 'man enjoying the same intellectual powers has a 35% better chance of getting married'.

It is therefore scientifically proven, men prefer idiots; or those that give that impression. There is nothing left to do but train ourselves…

Mechanical masturbation

Prune — Thu, 07 Jun 2007 11:28:00 +02:00

'Can the use of sex toys desensitise women to real penises?' This metaphysical question was posted on the website of American magazine Esquire by a worried male reader and is worth asking - especially since we know that European women are becoming more and more fond of erotic gadgets.

According to a recent survey, more than half of Irish, Swedish and British women own an electronic boyfriend; the south remains more prudish and pleases itself with sombre rosary beads. But the barbaric invasion of the Dildo knight and his squires is well underway.

From the Ugly Duckling to the mythical Jack the Rabbit, not to mention the irresistibly-named ‘iGasm’, X-rated devices are leaving the specialist boutiques to point the tip of their vibrating anatomy at the shelves of larger stores across the continent, headed for the bedside tables and handbags of sexual urban women. The shady sex shops of Pigalle in Paris are finished. For example, aficionados can purchase their beloved vibrator or dildo at Ann Summers at London Luton airport, before taking off for real.

Another little revolution is the increasing success of ‘Tupper-dildo’ parties, based on the model of innocent get-togethers for 1950s housewives, where a resourceful hostess would show the other guests the latest household commodities (and let them try them out); a sociable concept, and a rather profitable one for the organisers. Is Mr. Tupperware already turning in his grave?

The German dildo giant, Beate Uhse, went a bit too far to cash in on this profitable trend and was actually forced to pay 50,000 Euros in damages with interest to two unhappy footballers on the German national team: The company had, in fact, marketed a kind of vibrator ornately decorated with their initials during the 2006 World Cup. The story does not tell us whether the women appreciated it or not.

Anything to get votes

Prune — Thu, 17 May 2007 11:30:00 +02:00

Sex is politics. The spirited Tania Delvaux, representative of the Belgian political party NEE (‘No’ in Dutch) has found a good way to get people to talk about her. In her electoral campaign the candidate for the senate promises 40,000 blowjobs to Belgians who fancy it. On her website the matter becomes even clearer: one vote = one blowjob.

In one click the deal is closed and 400,000 internet perverts will have already cracked. Not a loudmouth, Little Miss Phony has ore and has already worked out that to honour her vow it would take her 500 days at the rate of 80 blowjobs a day: a figure that blows your mind. And it’s all the more disappointing when you find out that the little treat will remain a virtual one.

In fact, Delvaux’s hoax aims to 'sensitise beliefs' to the promises for the less eye-catching of the other Belgian parties in the approach of the parliamentary elections on the 10 June next year. When will the coalition 'toy boy' appear?